If there is one thing I want to say to you, it's just be real with yourself. We can put on a facade that fools the world around us. A facade that we've got it together, that we're awesome - but you know the truth and God knows the truth. And who's more important than that?
And what you'll find is that a raw power comes from true authenticity - a power that can only be explained in the design of how God set it up. He does not use us because we are perfect or good enough, He uses us because we are quite the opposite. The scriptures are full of broken people being used by God and this underlying theme we often miss that God uses our mistakes, shame and brokenness to display His loving faithfulness.
Paul knew he did the very things he hated and sought God to remove the thorn in his flesh - but God's answer is profound. An answer profound enough to carry you and I - His grace is sufficient. And it is in humility and brutal honesty that God can use us.
Here are some video's we shot 2 years ago for a series at 242 Community - it's the easiest way to understand my journey...
For me, it was about coming to grip with the lies I was living and the dichotomy that existed between the Way of Jesus and the way I was living. I'm thankful that my story doesn't end here, but actually begins here. That God's faithfulness is best shown in my mistakes and broken past. I'm thankful that I can boast in my weakness.
An amazing piece of the story of Jesus is that through His incarnation, through putting on flesh and coming to earth, He gave us our humanity back. He showed us what being human really is. So don't accept your mistakes as being 'human,' because to be truly human is to be like Jesus - it is our broken human nature that we must wrestle and struggle with.
So stop pretending. Maybe you're not a sex addict, an alcoholic, a drug abuser - but you are no less broken. Maybe your brokenness is in over eating, being co-dependent, habitual lying - whatever - join the beautiful complexity of God's broken creation pursuing His likeness.
For questions, support, prayer - email me at kevin@thethirdplaceonline.com
related posts, 'The Return of Ted Haggard,' 'If We Could Wear Our Faith...'
pamphlet by Mark Driscoll, 'Porn Again Christian'
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7 comments:
Being your best friend for several years in middle and high school, I knew from pretty early on that you struggled with sexual thoughts/desires, but being that we were going through puberty and starting to date girls, I chalked it up as normal - it was happening to me as well (to a lesser extent).
What I didn't know, was that it was as serious as you've just admitted. The selfish side of me wishes you would/could have talked about it with me, but the realist side understand the need for you to hide it and deal with it on your own. I probably wouldn't have been much help as our combined maturity was equivalent to a 12 year old girl.
Even though it's 10 years later, I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share this with me - with everyone. It takes big balls to admit things like this and I hope it's another great step on the path to RECOVERY.
I'm not a praying man, but let it be known, that I'm/we're here for you and your family and you will be in our thoughts. Thanks for being a kick ass mofo.
P.S. This truly explains the multiple camping trips ending up naked with headlamps running through the forest after woodland creatures.
Ryan - thanks - and I only wish I had the ability to articulate earlier in my life where I was. A big part of recovery is coming to grips with your past and I had never taken the time to pull back the layers and realize a lot of thing in my childhood were not 'normal' by any means. So many cool things have come from Julie and I just being real with the drama in our life and marriage - everyone has drama, but so many of us like to pretend it isn't there.
Anyway - thanks for your love and support and just being the friend I could laugh with through those years.
You're transparency is inspiring; Thanks for sharing this. I think you have an opportunity to speak into a lot of lives with your family's story.
Kevin, respect brother. It is so awesome to see what God has done in both your life and your marriage. You are an example to a lot of people and I am one of those people. I`m a Christian with so many shortcomings it is frightening.
Hayley and I went through a very bad time 2 and a bit years ago. Something really terrible happened (of my own doing) and it could have meant the end of our marriage. Thankfully, it was that event, which ended up saving it. It was tough and I wouldn`t want to go through it again but it was so necesarry. I thank God for that every single day.
I love what Julie said about those 2 years being in the past and that you guys have a lot more good years ahead. That was really cool and I think perfectly describes our own situation.
Thanks again for this post. I have so much respect for you as a person and as a Christian. You are a true example of what can be achieved if you believe and trust.
Your cyber buddy :)
Francois
Kevin, I think its great that you came out and shared this. It takes a lot of guts to be able to speak out. I too was molested as a young child {by my biological father} which caused huge problems with self esteem and self worth. It took lots of counseling to be able to learn to love myself. I also struggled with sucicide and drugs.
I have a hard time telling people to this day b/c as you said in your video...its even more uncomfortable for the person hearing it than it is for you to tell. I hate putting people in that "uncomfortable seat".
I give you major kudos for this and also to your wife for looking past who you werent and seeing you really are. You just needed some guidance...we all do at different times in our lives.
God Bless you. Heather
Mike - thanks - I too can't wait to see where the story takes us.
Francois - thanks my SA Cyber friend.
Heather - thanks - one of the hardest lessons for me was learning to let go of peoples opinion of me and just trust God. I hated the idea of people thinking less of me - but I had to let it go and realize that if people judged me, that was between them and God - not me. For months a huge part of my pain stemmed from the fact that my crap went public, they told the entire church and I could not control or change the perceptions of others.
Hey Kevin and Julie,
Stumbled upon your blog - great testimony, glad to hear how the story continues.
Would be great for you all to share at Restoration.
miss ya!
Rachel Brannen
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